Losing My Zen

The fastest way to lose all this great inner peace stored up over the break is to start thinking ahead toward the coming semester. Then the illusion of “Oh, I’ll have so much free time to be creative because I’m only taking twelve hours” comes crashing down, revealing the behemoth of extra-curricular activities and responsibilities to which I’ve already committed (and conveniently tend to push into the back recesses of my mind).

Grrreeeeaaaaattt.

I can feel my zen deflating like one of those helium balloons left out in the cold too long.

It’s funny, because I do this absolutely every single semester (you’d think I’d know better by now). I start by simplifying my upcoming responsibilities in my mind so they feel manageable. And once I’ve drawn myself a comforting black and white picture, I look at that and only that — until a couple weeks before the semester starts. Then, when it comes time to write goals and make plans, all the nuances of all the little things that I’m also committeed to flood in. And I freak out. Stress out. Freeze.

This freezing business is dangerous. For example, I’m starting to get important emails again. Important emails that I really should have replied to today (or yesterday). I should not leave them for tomorrow (or Monday). But the sub-zero-ness of stress has taken me over, and I can’t respond.

Or wont.

It’s a slippery slope.

My refusal to rejoin the world of the working is just the first step, I imagine. I’ll probably progress with alarming swiftness to more dangerous things like running traffic lights, not voting, and stealing purses from old ladies.

Save me from myself!!!

Anyway, instead of doing my work, I continue to blog and read memoirs and take naps. I live in denial that I only have a week and a half until classes begin. Of course, once they do, I’ll be kicking myself that I didn’t start on all these projects earlier.

Which I really should. Really really really should.

Maybe I should take up yoga. Get some of that zen back. Except instead of chanting “Om,” I can slip in a couple extra syllables and say something like “Don’t streeeessssssssssss” and “Dooooooo yoooooooouur wooooooooooorrrrrkkkk.”

The last one has a nice calming drone to it.

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Filed under Future Plans, Musings

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